Reborn?

Looking at my last post I see that I haven't blogged in a while....I doubt anyone even reads this blog anymore.

So much has changed since the last time I blogged...it's only been like 4 months but its feels much much longer. Moving to New York and leaving my friends and family behind in Maryland was a huge step for me. New York is fun no doubt...hanging out with good friends and meeting people all around. The glitz, the glamour is all around New York City baby!

Good friends Bella and Steve from The Fire and Reason

Pras from the Fugees. Hung out with him at the studio with The Fire and Reason

Shia. Met him outside the Soho Grand Hotel where he was staying. Should have talked to him!
Golf champion Christy O' Connor. Met him at the Fitzpatrick Golf Tournament. Such a sweetheart!

New York is full of life, money and hot people. Working at a PR firm, I manage to meet many nice people while socializing. Being at IT Management Global, we would constantly be nicknamed the it girls. Well so much for that. I've recently quit my job in search of something better. I believe dreams are built!

I think this would come to many as a surprise but I'm in a relationship. Very few people know because I've been hiding it for a long time, even from close friends. Which hot chick? Nah. HE is a supportive, sweet and kind guy living in Texas. Haha land of George Bush! Met him when he was staying in Maryland and we've been together for almost 3 months now. Another long distance relationship is definitely a recipe for disaster. I question myself everyday what I'm trying to accomplish...is it love?

So what is he doing in Texas? Good question....serving his country! Opps I did it again. This time I've gotten together with someone from the army. Great future huh. Hah! Everyone here tells me it's a waste of time but I'm putting my heart at risk again. Just for you Ryan. Must be the country accent. Can you envision me riding horses and milking cows? Although I would look so hot in a cowboy hat and tall boots. Food for thought there. Can't wait to see him in a couple weeks. It's time for a long vacation!

You must be thinking why I'm not mooning about a rich, handsome New Yorker instead of a "country boy". Don't get me wrong...there are wonderful guys in New York and I've been treated like a princess from many that I've met. Dining at fine restaurants all over the city, champagne and cocktails for the lady, me shopping for nice clothes and shoes (with daddy's money of course) and compliments that can set anyone's heart on fire makes everyone feel like a million bucks.

I go from feeling like Carrie from Sex and the City to Samantha Jones PR. Except when you combine it, I'm called Cindy PR thanks to Bella whom I'm doing PR for. We will be touring Europe in August. Maybe we might even get a yatch to film their new video with Pras from The Fugees. I'm counting on you Jason! Jason is the cute producer for Pras's album (Sorry Ryan!). We were in the studio to make a deal with Pras for his new album coming out in summer. Hot tracks so don't forget to check it out.

To many people, this posting makes no sense. I don't expect it to. I love my life, hate my job (I strongly believe I was not put on this earth to work) and I love the energy of people around me. Just like the corny T-shirt says...I LOVE NEW YORK.

Yet why do I still feel so alone? Doesn't help that I've moved like 4 times in the past couple months and I'm packing again. I've become a pro at moving that it took me 2 hours to pack all my stuff. I don't even take stuff out from the box because I know I will be gone within weeks or months. Its so funny when I see that my whole life in the US consists of 2 suitcases, 1 backpack, a 3 drawer clothes box and 3 medium sized boxes.

Why do I keep chasing for something that I can't see. Why not settle down where it's comfortable? Why not accept promises that you make? I wish my heart was connected to my head...

How many times do I have to scream?
How many times would it ever seem
That you're the person for me....
Why we living for today
How many tears makes us go away
My heart can't fake this anymore.....
I've done everything that I can do
I still can't believe what we've been through
My heart can take this anymore.....
My heart from The Fire and Reason

You think that I'm living the wild life here....well you're are wrong.
I miss a place to call home. I miss you. I just don't know how to say it...maybe you can tell me?