Your time is running out

Is it better to throw away the present because you fear there will be no future?

I don't really understand this time factor that everyone keeps using. I hate it when people keep saying "But you will leave after a year!" or "But you WILL eventually leave, right?" as an excuse to make me feel guilty. Why does the fact that I may not stay here forever tap into that insecure part of you of not wanting to even get to know me? The most ironic thing is that they are the same ones who preach about what they have been through in life or how important love is to them but can't even look through that narrow minded skull of theirs to actually take risks once in a while.

Take a relationship for example, how many of it end within a year? Many! But isn't that a beauty of being in a relationship, not knowing when you will be together or break up so that you will enjoy each others company here and now? Same goes with life, right? We don't know if we will live through another day so why not live your life to the fullest everyday. A year is a long time if you make the most of it. Heck, those who know me would know that I've never even been in a relationship for more than 3 months! But I don't think that I will break up with that person after 3 months is up or whatever. Shit just happens but it doesn't mean I don't enjoy being with the person at that time! So why do people use this lame excuse? Is it just a coward way to actually say, "I'm just not really in to you?" or is there more to that? Is there a possibility that someone is looking to spend forever with you when they don't even take the time to know you?

Maybe qualifier number 1 will be "The person has to stay within close proximity for more than 5 years if I want to make sure this can actually go somewhere."
Getting a PR in a friendship/relationship sure sounds a lot like getting a PR for a country right?

Can you imagine if everyone thought like that? Everyone would be so selfish with their time and love. Imagine if I first went into college thinking that I would leave to US to continue my studies and since I AM leaving, I will not put emotions into my friendship or relationship (if I had any) and keep to myself the whole time? Imagine how miserable that would have been! What's more, I wouldn't have been able to meet so many special people that touched my life in so many ways and will always have a place in my heart and most of them are still close friends of mine! (If you're reading this would most probably mean you are one of those people) So next time if a potential love (not just those lovey dovey ones) hits you straight in the face, will you face it head-on or will you run away for fear that they will not stay?

Ikemen Paradise

The literal translation for the above is "Paradise of Handsome Men". Wipe that stupid grin off your face. This is actually the title of a drama series going on in Japan on Fuji TV every Tuesday 9pm. The series basically revolves around this girl who disguises herself as a boy to get into a boys school that only handsome men can enter in order to help one of the guys inside to be able to high jump again. She soon falls in love with him (Duh!) but at the same time, her/his best friend in the school also falls for her (all the while still thinking she is a he). Yup so the homo love triangle begins.

Yes, unfortunately during my visit there I was exposed to this series by my host sisters and even though the storyline and acting is stupid and exaggerated, I have come to find this series humorous (even mummy thinks so and she doesn't understand Japanese). That said, it has made me a little skeptical about how appearance can be culturally acceptable. In other words, what makes an ikemen?

Can you spot the girl? Do you consider them cool?

Now look at the main character...VS

The girl behind the man. Big difference?

Even these "handsome and cool" guys take on girly roles too...

The obvious gay character

The best friend idolized by many girls but who thinks he is gay

Kawaii??

Now look at the Japanese culture for what constitutes a handsome/cool guy. Singers like Gackt and Glay are icons in Japan and a hit with girls. Even though some would think they look sissy or even question their sexuality, maybe in this society, we are way too conservative about how guys/girls should dress or act and we should learn more from the Japanese...

Guy or girl? Can you tell? Or does it even matter?

Japanese culture have actually reconstitute what deems as handsome/cool in guys especially in Asia. Example......

Who else but the beloved f4!

So I was thinking, in Japan if girls who play guys and guys who play girls are cool...maybe it might work in Malaysia too....

Maybe we can generate Malaysia's very own ikemen too! Let us first look at the characteristics of ikemen:

• Skinny
• Feminine body features
• Pretty eyes
• Killer smile
  
• No facial hair
• Hard to distinguish the gender
• Can pull off looking cute and cool
  
• Charming
  
• Attracts both genders
  

Generating Malaysia's ikemen....

Nope...too manly and hairy

Still too manly

Close...Got the smile but still lacking something

Very close (can hardly tell guy or girl)

And the winner is.................

Jonathan Wong!

Jonathan Wong aka Choy Choy encompasses all the qualities of an ikemen. From his skinny figure to girly looks, this one gets all the girls and then some....Here is his profile to prove that he deserves to win....

Pretty eyes, killer smile (look at underwear ikemen above for reference)

How many guys do you know who can pull off this cute look?

And still look so coolio?

Giving the girls a run for their money. Look at how the guys fall for him

Wohoo...we now have Malaysia's first ikemen. Congrats!!! Good luck picking up more chicks and guys! Maybe you can train more ikemen and have a club. Don't forget your pink blusher and frilly undies from now on ok! Maybe I should put up one for the girls next time... Until then, don't forget to check out the drama series and the video for the drama's theme song "Ikenai Taiyou" by Orange Range! You can find both on YouTube.

Guidelines to being a player

Rule 1: Never fall in love
What happens when someone is moved by a player?
Worse...what happens when a player is moved by someone?

Rule 2: Follow your instincts
What happens when you know it is trouble yet you still seek when you should run?
Even when you know that falling means realizing you've been living a lie

Rule 3: Think rational
What happens when you know that this person is out of reach and out of your league?
Yet their scent still lingers on you and you can't help but remember

Rule 4: Know when and what to say
What happens when your cockiness no longer protects you and gives you comfort?
And the person pierces right through your soul and makes you feel naked and at a loss for words

Rule 5: Know when to leave
What happens when you know that you are in dangerous waters and should leave?
Yet something behind their eyes pulls and holds your attention making you stay

Rule 6: Never fall for the coincidental same lines
What happens when you hear the same lines repeated by someone from the past who has left and should know better to fall for it again?
Yet you still try to convince yourself that the present person didn't put those scars there

Rule 7: Don't believe in miracles
What happens when you stop believing in angels and fairytales because you KNOW they are too good to be true?
And suddenly one hits you the second time around and you make you want to love angels again

When all rules are broken, all that the player is left with is his vulnerability

Ignorance VS Confrontation

It's not based on gender but on the person...

Central of the Grand-ness

Everything looks better behind my purple balloon

The venue:Thursday ladies night at Grand Central
The people:Ho's and lo's, bitches and hitches (A bunch of drunk people looking good and having a good time)

Yup, that's my experience at Grand Central second time round. First time definitely wasn't as fun as I was watching drag queens strutting their stuff for all their worth where you can see but to touch...it will cost you sumthin. This time round, seeing is believing, and baby you gotta believe it. Whatever you call it...chicks, babes, butches, drama queens, lesbians...man was it gay town to the extreme. And when I mean gay, I mean happy, ecstatic and downright outrageously fan-fucking-tastic!

Alright people, the lo' down for tonight. My ladies and I headed up to Grand Central (a gay bar but ladies night on Thursday) to have some fun and meet other friends plus some. Naturally, the environment and people there was to a certain extent, GAY!

Ma bitches

To sum it up, there was some *ahem* activities going on in the club involving alcohol, grinding and someone tall, sexy and possess a nice set of ermm....teeth? Until next time, my gorgeousnesssesssssssss..................there will certainly be a next time =)

Reality check

Maybe you were the beautiful dream I conjured up to get over the horrible nightmare

But now I wake up and realize, I'm myself and here...alone

Dear otoosan,

I'm sorry. I know I promised to see you...I failed.

One of the biggest disappointment I had during my Japan trip was not being able to pay my respects to my first host father. I know that I changed so many host families when I was there but otoosan was my first host father and I was certainly very fond of him. It's almost been half a year since he left and although more than 3 years since I last spoken to him, the pain of losing him hit me very hard. He was a wonderful father to me and spoiled me to death with sweets and presents. I understand that what you did was very biased and led to all the trouble but I'm sure at that time all you wanted was to make me feel at home by treating me like a real daughter.

I'm very angry at myself for not being more persistent trying to contact my host family (even after numerous phone calls to their home)...I admit, I was scared. I was scared to finally realize that you've gone, to see for myself that altar and to have other members of the family judge me. I know that I'm not your real daughter but for those months, you were all that I had...you were my family. At the same time, I was afraid that I would dissapoint my current host family by insisting on visiting you...I still remember the incident when all of us met and how humiliated both sides were. My selfishness can only get me that far...I'm sorry. I felt like I didn't do myself justice by stating it outright that I wanted to contact the family. Instead, I hid behind closed doors to call, knowing that no one would be around and not leaving a message but just hoping that maybe someone would pick up.I wandered the streets of Tokyo everyday thinking of calling and hoping to see you and be able to speak to you and give my respect. Yet fear and shame overcame me and here I am back in America with nothing but guilt and disappointment.

I hope you are doing well up there. I imagine you smoking and drinking your favorite green tea which you would meticulously whip up. Maybe you are enjoying our favorite Denny's breakfast set. Or the Baskin Robbins and anmitsu you would bring home to cheer me up. I have you to thank for my sweet tooth and weight gain. Maybe you have met my beloved ojiichan as well. If you have, maybe both of you can go fishing together.

I hope you continue looking after okaasan and the rest of the family from above. I'm sure okaasan is very sad to have lost you. It was my first time hearing her cry although I knew she was trying very hard to hold it in, just like a typical Japanese woman. What is it with you and your pride? Why didn't you let me know sooner?? I would have made the trip there to see you for the last time. All the time I thought that you have forgotten about me. I was lost in my selfishness without even being aware of how much you were suffering. Just because I changed families didn't mean that I loved you any less. You tried your best...it's just too bad that we didn't last as a family long enough. I'm sorry I didn't understand the severity of your situation, if I knew it would be the last time I would be able to hear your voice, I would have stayed on the line no matter how long you took. I wished you answered the phone when I called that day or at least return my call and not keep me up waiting the whole night..all I wanted to do was to hear your voice...maybe that was your way of punishing me for leaving in the first place. I never forgot your last words to me as you drove me to my new house that day..."Please come back".

I'm sorry that I'm angry at you...but I'm more angry at myself. I disappointed you once by leaving and this time I did it again by not coming back. Maybe next time I will have more courage...I will keep my promise and visit you someday. All I can say for now is...I'm sorry. I hope you will remember me otoosan. Maybe you will come into my dreams someday. Until then, I will keep the memories of the good times and bad times in my heart.