Yesterday....

Just when you think you can look forward to tomorrow, yesterday comes and hits you in the face. Suddenly, you're pushed into a time capsule to revisit the memories that seems so surreal now. I just wanted to let bygones be bygones and move on with life. Why did my angel turned out to be human after all? Maybe it is guilt that makes us all human. The burden of guilt pushes us down to earth and prevents us from soaring into the skies. If saying sorry is your way of getting over your guilt, as childish as I may sound, I'm sorry too because I cannot forgive you. You trying to say sorry for your actions doesn't make it anymore justifiable. You trying to say let's be friends doesn't erase any pain you have caused. Excuses you now give to make up for your quiet actions then doesn't award you retribution.

Yesterday was an interesting day.

1. My day started out with an unexpected conversation with someone from the past. I'm sure most of you can guess who it is by now. Whatever...
2. I've been sick since Sunday and it didn't get much better come Monday morning so I went to work lethargic and cranky. I think my bitchiness level was 200%. Luckily no one gave me trouble at my workplace =)
3. My friend sneaked into my house while I was asleep to cook congee for me because he knew I was sick. His first time cooking and I actually dared eat it. Luckily I'm still alive. Haha. Just joking! It was delicious (after all the seasoning I added of course). Thank you!
4. Call 911! Ling, Warren and I nearly died because we decided we had big balls to go try Cluck U's 911 buffalo wings. These are wings where you have to sign a liability waiver before buying so you can't sue them if anything happens to you. The box came with a warning "Death in a box". Opening the box, I think our balls got even bigger because the overpowering smell of jalapeños didn't make us waver while the rest of our friends were cringing over the smell. The dare was to eat the wing without any dipping. Bad idea. I took the first bite and automatically spit it out. The taste was bitter and inhumanly spicy. Ling was even braver...she actually swallowed a piece of it. Tears immediately formed. Warren freaked out after watching "the Malaysian's" reaction and 'chicken out' (pun intended) and only tasted the sauce which was enough to get him looking worse than the baboon after drinking. Minutes after that experience I felt my whole body aching. To start with, I was already sick but trying the wing just made my body go into overdrive. Ling threw up while I was crying in pain and crazily searching for medication while refusing to go to the hospital/doctor or drink milk. The rest of the night was a painful experience we would never want to repeat and I think we learned our lesson well. Never underestimate how spicy American food can get.
   

Well, at least both of us survived through the night and even went to class today! High five! All these wings have made me so warm. I need to reduce all this heat in my body. Next craving...Ice-cream anyone?

Dramaless life

I don't feel like posting much these days.Nothing exciting anyways.My drama life is over so it's calm for now.Just hiding in my crib and at work watching more Japanese drama with my sucky connection at home.I just finished season 1 and 2 of Hana Yori Dango which is the original version of Meteor Garden (remember f4?).Haha.Gay right?But what caught me most is the soundtrack for the drama which is Utada Hikaru's Flavor of Life.I have heard this song a long time ago when I didn't understand Japanese but this time it made more sense.Maybe it's also because songs always relate to a part of your life and experiences.I'm gonna start watching a new series again but for now go check out to the video.Here is the lyrics and translation to the song.Until next time guys,take care!Hugs

Running away?

Sorry it took me so long to update my posts.Life here has been pretty much the same thing for me the past couple weeks.Sleep,school,work,internship,watching drama and lazing around.More than anything else I think the Japanese drama and sleep have been the top of my list.I've gone through watching more than 10 different dramas in the past couple weeks.Well at least my real life is not as dramatic...I hope.

There have been a little bit of drama the last time I went back to Grand Central.I've been laying low for a couple weeks due to my internship and need of beauty sleep so I felt like a caveman when I stepped into Central.The same crowd was there coupled with some people I totally didn't expect to see.Maybe it was fate.Just when I thought I was over you....

I didn't know whether to fight or flight.Maybe I should have left early that night.But obviously I stayed behind to watch the drama unfold in front of my eyes.Dealing with my own emotions was hard enough but double it with two other people's emotions....thats like 16 times the drama.Pulling and pushing emotions around like its a child's game.The one you want is out of reach so you grab the second best thing who has totally fallen for you and you force yourself to feel somewhat compassion and even lust for the person?Who are you kidding?I can still feel the aftertaste of it in my mouth now...bittersweet with the sourness of guilt.

The ironic thing is the one I want to stand up for is gone and the one who stood up for me I've driven away.And the funny thing is I couldn't even stand up for myself in the first place.Maybe if I was strong enough from the start there wouldn't be all these shit I have to deal with now.And to top it all off....I can't seem to feel anything in my heart...only the frustration in my head is a reminder that I have issues.They say that eyes are the windows to someones soul.Either my eyes lie or is it just that I have no soul?Someone told me I'm being overly analytical for my own good.I enjoy analyzing and planning but maybe in life it doesn't work that way.Analyzing my own emotions while I'm not even feeling it is kinda lame right?What do you think?

Sorry for those who thought I would come up with another funny lame post such as Ikemen Paradise.This is just another bitching session for me.Until next time....cheerios!

Your time is running out

Is it better to throw away the present because you fear there will be no future?

I don't really understand this time factor that everyone keeps using. I hate it when people keep saying "But you will leave after a year!" or "But you WILL eventually leave, right?" as an excuse to make me feel guilty. Why does the fact that I may not stay here forever tap into that insecure part of you of not wanting to even get to know me? The most ironic thing is that they are the same ones who preach about what they have been through in life or how important love is to them but can't even look through that narrow minded skull of theirs to actually take risks once in a while.

Take a relationship for example, how many of it end within a year? Many! But isn't that a beauty of being in a relationship, not knowing when you will be together or break up so that you will enjoy each others company here and now? Same goes with life, right? We don't know if we will live through another day so why not live your life to the fullest everyday. A year is a long time if you make the most of it. Heck, those who know me would know that I've never even been in a relationship for more than 3 months! But I don't think that I will break up with that person after 3 months is up or whatever. Shit just happens but it doesn't mean I don't enjoy being with the person at that time! So why do people use this lame excuse? Is it just a coward way to actually say, "I'm just not really in to you?" or is there more to that? Is there a possibility that someone is looking to spend forever with you when they don't even take the time to know you?

Maybe qualifier number 1 will be "The person has to stay within close proximity for more than 5 years if I want to make sure this can actually go somewhere."
Getting a PR in a friendship/relationship sure sounds a lot like getting a PR for a country right?

Can you imagine if everyone thought like that? Everyone would be so selfish with their time and love. Imagine if I first went into college thinking that I would leave to US to continue my studies and since I AM leaving, I will not put emotions into my friendship or relationship (if I had any) and keep to myself the whole time? Imagine how miserable that would have been! What's more, I wouldn't have been able to meet so many special people that touched my life in so many ways and will always have a place in my heart and most of them are still close friends of mine! (If you're reading this would most probably mean you are one of those people) So next time if a potential love (not just those lovey dovey ones) hits you straight in the face, will you face it head-on or will you run away for fear that they will not stay?

Ikemen Paradise

The literal translation for the above is "Paradise of Handsome Men". Wipe that stupid grin off your face. This is actually the title of a drama series going on in Japan on Fuji TV every Tuesday 9pm. The series basically revolves around this girl who disguises herself as a boy to get into a boys school that only handsome men can enter in order to help one of the guys inside to be able to high jump again. She soon falls in love with him (Duh!) but at the same time, her/his best friend in the school also falls for her (all the while still thinking she is a he). Yup so the homo love triangle begins.

Yes, unfortunately during my visit there I was exposed to this series by my host sisters and even though the storyline and acting is stupid and exaggerated, I have come to find this series humorous (even mummy thinks so and she doesn't understand Japanese). That said, it has made me a little skeptical about how appearance can be culturally acceptable. In other words, what makes an ikemen?

Can you spot the girl? Do you consider them cool?

Now look at the main character...VS

The girl behind the man. Big difference?

Even these "handsome and cool" guys take on girly roles too...

The obvious gay character

The best friend idolized by many girls but who thinks he is gay

Kawaii??

Now look at the Japanese culture for what constitutes a handsome/cool guy. Singers like Gackt and Glay are icons in Japan and a hit with girls. Even though some would think they look sissy or even question their sexuality, maybe in this society, we are way too conservative about how guys/girls should dress or act and we should learn more from the Japanese...

Guy or girl? Can you tell? Or does it even matter?

Japanese culture have actually reconstitute what deems as handsome/cool in guys especially in Asia. Example......

Who else but the beloved f4!

So I was thinking, in Japan if girls who play guys and guys who play girls are cool...maybe it might work in Malaysia too....

Maybe we can generate Malaysia's very own ikemen too! Let us first look at the characteristics of ikemen:

• Skinny
• Feminine body features
• Pretty eyes
• Killer smile
  
• No facial hair
• Hard to distinguish the gender
• Can pull off looking cute and cool
  
• Charming
  
• Attracts both genders
  

Generating Malaysia's ikemen....

Nope...too manly and hairy

Still too manly

Close...Got the smile but still lacking something

Very close (can hardly tell guy or girl)

And the winner is.................

Jonathan Wong!

Jonathan Wong aka Choy Choy encompasses all the qualities of an ikemen. From his skinny figure to girly looks, this one gets all the girls and then some....Here is his profile to prove that he deserves to win....

Pretty eyes, killer smile (look at underwear ikemen above for reference)

How many guys do you know who can pull off this cute look?

And still look so coolio?

Giving the girls a run for their money. Look at how the guys fall for him

Wohoo...we now have Malaysia's first ikemen. Congrats!!! Good luck picking up more chicks and guys! Maybe you can train more ikemen and have a club. Don't forget your pink blusher and frilly undies from now on ok! Maybe I should put up one for the girls next time... Until then, don't forget to check out the drama series and the video for the drama's theme song "Ikenai Taiyou" by Orange Range! You can find both on YouTube.

Guidelines to being a player

Rule 1: Never fall in love
What happens when someone is moved by a player?
Worse...what happens when a player is moved by someone?

Rule 2: Follow your instincts
What happens when you know it is trouble yet you still seek when you should run?
Even when you know that falling means realizing you've been living a lie

Rule 3: Think rational
What happens when you know that this person is out of reach and out of your league?
Yet their scent still lingers on you and you can't help but remember

Rule 4: Know when and what to say
What happens when your cockiness no longer protects you and gives you comfort?
And the person pierces right through your soul and makes you feel naked and at a loss for words

Rule 5: Know when to leave
What happens when you know that you are in dangerous waters and should leave?
Yet something behind their eyes pulls and holds your attention making you stay

Rule 6: Never fall for the coincidental same lines
What happens when you hear the same lines repeated by someone from the past who has left and should know better to fall for it again?
Yet you still try to convince yourself that the present person didn't put those scars there

Rule 7: Don't believe in miracles
What happens when you stop believing in angels and fairytales because you KNOW they are too good to be true?
And suddenly one hits you the second time around and you make you want to love angels again

When all rules are broken, all that the player is left with is his vulnerability

Ignorance VS Confrontation

It's not based on gender but on the person...